‘Twas the night before travel, when all through the house
Not a single thing was packed, not even a blouse.
The passports were placed on the table with care,
In hopes that by morning they still would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of security lines danced in my head.
With mom out in Yonkers and a 4 a.m. flight,
I had just prepared my brain for a long sleepless night,
When on The Weather Channel there arose such a clatter,
I turned up the volume to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
My heart did seize up and my teeth they did gnash.
For on the lawn was a fresh layer of snow
That looked like it had inches and inches to go,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A winter storm advisory, to close out the year.
With a little old sigh, and a cigarette lit,
I took a deep breath, resisting a fit.
More rapid than eagles the phone alerts came,
And I cringed and I shouted and I called them all names.
Delays Newark! Delays Houston! Delays JFK and San Fran!
Delays, Atlanta! Delays Dulles! Delays LAX and Logan!
My blood pressure was up, I was climbing the walls;
I could hear stand-by now, through muffled airport calls.
Planes were all grounded, like before wild hurricanes,
Met with an obstacle, I sat down and ate candy canes.
Fed up with holiday travel, my nerves were askew,
We had gifts for Aunt Kathy (and her new beau, too).
And then, in a moment of panic I remembered:
Do we fly out next year or was it this December?
As I cradled my head, I saw a light and spun ’round,
Headlights in the driveway — our in-laws in town?
Dressed in faux fur, from head down to feet,
My fashion sense flinched, but my heart skipped a beat;
For a bundle of toys were flung on their back,
But more than just that — we didn’t have to pack!
My eyes how they watered! My spirits were merry!
(Mental note to fire my assistant, Jerry.)
His droll little mannerisms bothered me, oh!
But his scheduling skills were lacking more so.
The stump of a pen he held in his teeth
And the smoke on his clothes sometimes made me seethe;
But he has a good heart and he’s not all that smelly,
He does make me laugh and he stocks Jelly Belly.
With a crash came tumbling our Elf on the Shelf
And I snapped back to reality, in spite of myself;
An apologetic tail wag from the family dog Zed,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
I turned off all my email, even my work,
And hugged my in-laws (so I wasn’t a jerk).
I set a reminder to book flights for next year,
And still couldn’t believe we’re hosting it here.
So I sprang into action, part relief and part Xanax,
And away my cares flew, along with my panics,
But I heard the weatherman exclaim before he was snowed out of sight,
‘Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night.’
— written by Brittany Chrusciel