Creation Museum, Petersburg, Kentucky

Tell the kids you're taking them to see Men in Black this summer as a special treat, and then secretly bring them to Kentucky's Creation Museum for Men in White instead (we’re sure this theatrical performance about the uselessness of carbon dating will stop their disappointed tears). This theme park/museum is 70,000 square feet of evolution-denying good times. Other parks may scare you with roller coasters, but the Creation Museum offers real terror by teaching you "the truth about antibiotic-resistant bacteria."